i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
