I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
