i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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