Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
