I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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