is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
