Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
