mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I want a musical about memes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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