My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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