Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
