she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
