Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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