hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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