Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
