You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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