Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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