Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
