he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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