Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
home. puking in laundry basket.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
