the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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