it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
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