So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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