Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
