this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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