saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
