I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
