chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
