I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
