Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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