I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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