I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
