people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
