He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
