He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize