Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
