He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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