Apparently you make a good broom.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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