ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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