erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
