I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
