either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
honey bunches of taint.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
