sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
