Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
