last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
