For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
