I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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