i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
