I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
