Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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