i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
