Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
