I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
3 2 1 whiskey
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
