I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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