Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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