when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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