So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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