i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
