Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
