Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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