My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
