About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
