so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Acid is not a monday night drug
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
