i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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