I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
