if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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