Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
