I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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