Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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