I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
